Hospice Care Focus: The Experience of Grief and Loss

Grief is the normal physiological and psychological response to serious loss. Though everyone grieves differently, there are some typical patterns. In the normal course of things, a person experiencing grief moves through various psychological stages such as shock, guilt, anger, denial and acceptance. Grief consists not just of sorrow, but of a combination of feelings.

When a person sustains a major loss, such as the death of a close family member, grief is the response of the person's mind and body. Physical symptoms can manifest themselves as sleeplessness, lethargy, inability to eat or concentrate, lack of energy, and lack of interest in ordinary activities.

Mild physical symptoms associated with grief can be handled individually; however, if a person experiences serious physical side effects (such as depression, alcoholism or feelings of helplessness), he or she should see a physician or other health care provider.

People often ask for advice on coping with grief. But in a sense, we do not "cope" with grief, because the grief process is natural and necessary. Many people make the mistake of trying to "just carry on." While continuing involvement in the ordinary activities of daily life may be therapeutic, this should not be used to avoid the feelings associated with grieving. It is important to move through the various stages of grieving rather than attempting to deny a significant loss has occurred.

Though everyone needs solitude at times, it is usually best to avoid isolation after suffering a major loss. When we grieve, we are often tempted to withdraw from previously enjoyed activities, or we may be forced to do so because of a change in ability or status. But we usually respond best when we make the effort and commitment to remain involved in the groups and activities we enjoyed before our loss—at least to the extent we are able.

Hospice Social Workers Offer Suggestions During the Grieving Process

1. Allow yourself to feel your feelings. When someone close to you has passed away, many emotions may arise. It's okay to feel angry, depressed, or even to feel a sense of relief at the time of death.
   
   
2. Access your support system. Reach out to people who are supportive to you. Family and friends may be helpful. Professional counselors, clergy members or grief support groups can provide a safe and caring atmosphere in which to examine and deal with your feelings of grief and loss.
   
   
3. Share your feelings of grief. Talking about your feelings can be a relief. Don't hide your emotions from those who care about you.
   
   
4. Educate yourself about grief issues. Reading literature about grief can help you understand what you are experiencing.
   
   
5. Take care of your physical self. Remember that your emotional state can be affected by your physical state. Attempt to eat balanced meals, get adequate sleep, and do some form of exercise each day.
   
   
6. Avoid alcohol and other substances not prescribed by your physician. Although they may numb the emotional pain initially, drugs and alcohol may prolong, delay and complicate your grief.
   
   
7. Give yourself permission to say "no." Try not to rush or take on new responsibilities.
   
   
8. Be patient and gentle with yourself. Healing from grief takes time. Your grief may not look like the grief of others around you. Respect your own individual experience of grieving.

The stages of grief do not pass overnight. With a major loss, most people go through the heaviest part of grieving over the course of a year. Sometimes a person gets "stuck" in the grieving process, and may be unable to throw off the sense of sorrow enough to actively reengage in life; this may result in clinical depression. If this happens to you or a loved one, make sure you seek the counsel of a professional who is experienced with treating the grief that accompanies significant losses. A person who is able to acknowledge that an important loss has occurred and to do the hard work of grieving will be a healthier person in the long run. Grieving the loss is the way that we go on to the next step of our lives, and toward healing.